please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
