Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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