I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
