So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
