two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
