One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
