Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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