oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
