That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
