not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
