remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
