Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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