Don't make out with my wife yet
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Also, beer. Big fan.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
