Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
