More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
