Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
