I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you would pick up someone in the library
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
