i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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