the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
