I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Randomize
