yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
