Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
