either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
