if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
