I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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