thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
