Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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