I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
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