My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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