I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
