i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
