Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
from now on my penis is your penis
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
