Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
