just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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