I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
