Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
God, you're like boner-b-gone
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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