my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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