It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
