why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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