This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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