Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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