I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
