I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
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