my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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