they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
