I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
