Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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