so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
