Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
