I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Houston, we have a blender
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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